then it shall be in the day he wills what he has to his sons, he cannot make the son of the loved the firstborn before the son of the unloved , who is the firstborn. Deut 21:16
This can certainly be a difficult chapter. You see a man taking a woman captive in battle, and then deciding he really doesn't want her. It speaks of a man trying to make the son of his most-loved wife the one with the greater inheritance, despite not being firstborn. Also we see people being told to bring their disobedient sons to the city gates to be stoned. If we can learn anything from this, it's that family relationships are hard. But, do you know what is easiest to notice about these relationships...they're not deep. One man picks a wife based on looks while he's in a battle. Another says he really loves one of his wives, but still married another before or after her. God is not advocating for a man to have multiple wives in this chapter, but helping him to understand the right and wrong in the situation. And who would be willing to make the determination that their son was a lost cause and take him to be stoned?
Do you know what the theme is that runs through all these
dysfunctional families? A lack of
commitment. It's amazing how many people get married, pledging a life-long
commitment, but knowing that they'll leave the marriage if someone better comes along. And how many people speak poorly of their children and their choices, but seem to take little blame for them. Raising your child in church is no guarantee of moral behavior afterwards. Raising your child in a Christian home, teaching them about salvation in Jesus, gives you a much better chance. I'm sure our kids have heard more scripture and spiritual
lessons at home than at church. Not a knock on any of our churches, but an indication of how important it is to us for our children to understand God.
Do your family relationships lack commitment? Do you fully give yourself to your husband or wife, or is it clear that you wish you could be somewhere else with someone else? If you find yourself thinking about someone who is not your spouse, repent and turn from that dangerous path. No matter what the situation was, I've found few people who are really proud of a divorce they went through. Do your kids feel a commitment from you? Do you show interest in the things they care about? Do you blame them for everything they do wrong, or do you think about how you may have contributed? There are families in churches today that are just as dysfunctional as the ones Israel had. It comes down to commitment: first to the Lord and then to your family.